I am a renal patient waiting for a kidney transplant. At first, I did not let it slow me down. I worked as an attorney, visited friends and dated. However, little by little, I lost my grasp of life. I was getting weaker and more tired. I could not keep up. I would get sick all the time. And then, there were two surgeries: one on April 15, 2009 to remove the kidney transplanted on January of 1993 (yes, I had a transplant for 16 years) and another on November of the same year to remove my native kidneys. That last surgery was so bad and painful; it took me a year to recuperate from it. Also, the blood pressure medications make me dizzy and drowsy, so I cannot drive, and sometimes I feel like an airhead, since it takes me a while to form a sentence. Obviously, I cannot practice law like that, so I feel useless.
I am at home, doing crafts and writing, while my number comes up for a transplant…I lost everything, and if it were not for my parents, I would probably be homeless. I was so arrogant and independent… I would rub my independence on their faces, which hurt them, but I still did it. And now I have to eat crow, and come back home, and admit that I need them. And then, I have to be in excellent shape so I can get the transplant. No flu, no infections, not even a cavity or a hang nail. Waiting… and waiting… I was not very patient before this, and now I have no choice but to wait… does that mean I am becoming patient? If this is a lesson, it is a huge lesson! Sometimes I wonder what was what I did that it was so bad, that I deserve such a punishment.
Yes, because I fell sick at 13 years old for the first time. I suffer a lot back then… like getting cables screwed through my skin without any anesthesia, until they got to an artery. I got that done more than once. And I got other horrible stuff done… and I thought I had paid my dues. I thought it worked like that, stupid me. I thought that all the pain and suffering that I had gone through would work as a protection against more suffering. But it does not work like that, unfortunately for me and others.
So now I am waiting for life again…
I am at home, doing crafts and writing, while my number comes up for a transplant…I lost everything, and if it were not for my parents, I would probably be homeless. I was so arrogant and independent… I would rub my independence on their faces, which hurt them, but I still did it. And now I have to eat crow, and come back home, and admit that I need them. And then, I have to be in excellent shape so I can get the transplant. No flu, no infections, not even a cavity or a hang nail. Waiting… and waiting… I was not very patient before this, and now I have no choice but to wait… does that mean I am becoming patient? If this is a lesson, it is a huge lesson! Sometimes I wonder what was what I did that it was so bad, that I deserve such a punishment.
Yes, because I fell sick at 13 years old for the first time. I suffer a lot back then… like getting cables screwed through my skin without any anesthesia, until they got to an artery. I got that done more than once. And I got other horrible stuff done… and I thought I had paid my dues. I thought it worked like that, stupid me. I thought that all the pain and suffering that I had gone through would work as a protection against more suffering. But it does not work like that, unfortunately for me and others.
So now I am waiting for life again…
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