Panty liners

There is nothing sexy about getting a woman down to her panties… and finding them to be “granny panties” or a panty that accommodates a panty liner. Yes, we know that you have the vision of the porn star, wearing a g-string all, smelling fresh and looking hot at all times. However, the reality is that women discharge secretions which vary along her menstrual cycle. This is discharge is the normal way in which the vagina cleans itself and prevents infection. Of course, if the discharge is excessive or smelly, there may be problems. And, yes, we all know there is nothing like a “fishy” fanny. There is nothing we fear more that being the smelly pussy that will become the butt of your jokes between “the guys”!

There are many causes for those secretions to become smelly. We women all fear this horrible “condition.” Unfortunately, women can unknowingly cause it by using vaginal douches and certain soaps. There are other factors that affect the pH of the vagina, and therefore the consistency and smell of these secretions, like pregnancy, diabetes, infections, among others. A big culprit, however, is poor hygiene! Using panty liners to keep the panties free of these secretions, and changing the panty liners frequently during the day to keep you fresh, help to prevent the feared vaginal disagreeable odor.

Of course, if you let the panty liner on all day, it will be the same as if you did not use it: your vagina will accumulate moist and get smelly! If you do wear no panty liner, you might get your panties moist and get smelly. Remember, your vaginal pH varies along your menstrual cycle, so it is better to prevent those situations… unless you prefer to change panties and take the risk of someone opening your purse and finding your dirty undies! Oh, my God, I would do a Houdini and disappear, absolutely mortified. And then, you do not want your Romeo to see you wearing panty liners because he will probably associate them with sanitary napkins, your period… and puff, the moment was lost!

So, it is one of those things you do that you should try to keep to yourself at all cost! When you find yourself in a sexy situation, find a chance to scurry away and get rid of the “corpus delicti” while managing to keep the sexiness and mystery… if possible, get a little bit of soap, lather yourself up, and rinse quickly.

Obviously, you must be trimmed or shaved at all times, since you would not be able to refresh in a few seconds otherwise. If you are trimmed or shaved, it will only take you a moment to breathe new life into your excited punani and get ready for an intimate moment.

So, use a panty liner while he is not looking, and lose it when he might look!

To Shave or Not To Shave

What to do? Oh, this is a serious disjunctive for any woman that takes pride in her womanhood. It is not like men have a sign saying what they prefer, and it is in very poor taste asking in the first dates, “hey, by the way, what do you prefer, naked or bushy?”

I honestly prefer naked or almost naked… I cannot imagine a man with his face buried on pubic hair looking for the golden sensitive pea-shape gland… getting unruly hair between his teeth, in my tongue, under his tongue… residues of urine and even fecal matter if the woman is not good in hygiene getting in his mouth, if they did not take the precaution of taking a nice shower before he showed his buccal abilities to his lover. Just to think about it is a huge turn off for me.

Yes, I like my chacha (vagina) with wood floors; the shinier, the better. It makes the whole area more sensitive, it improves hygiene, it is easier to maintain clean and fresh, and you are not worried that you will find your unwanted her in his mouth! Still, there are men who like to eat a bearded taco, what are you going to do?

I genuinely prefer leaving those buccal activities for later on in the relationship, when there is real intimacy and not an eagerness for immediate satisfaction. And trust me, I like immediate satisfaction as much as the next person… however, that is one thing in which it pays to wait. However, when there is real intimacy, the parties are eager to please one another and not only themselves; they can compromise for the sake of the person they care; and we know the likes and dislikes of our partner. There is much more chances that the session will be satisfactory for both persons involved, instead of an anxiety ridden moment that will put us off.

However, for it to be so, both parties have to be completely open about their sexuality and what they enjoy and do not enjoy… which in itself can be incredibly sexy and a turn on in itself… if you add a demonstration to your explanation, it can be one of those sessions that you will never forget. One thing for sure, if both of you are in the mood, it will increase your emotional and sexual intimacy, both of which will increase the pleasure from a sexual encounter… which does not have to end in intercourse every time. A call in the middle of the day, “Oh, I forgot to tell you, I also love when you lick this and that… can we do it tonight? Total turn on!

Men, please, you also have to take care of your pubic area. I do not like the look of crazy hair around my lollipop! I do not like to have hair in my mouth or stuck between my teeth… so please, please, I beg of you: shave or trim. Hint: if you shave completely, your penis looks bigger… so if size is an issue for you, voilá.

Keeping me happy with a shaved or trimmed will make me feel happy and adventurous in bed. I buy books to learn new techniques on how to give pleasure to the mini-me, so I think taking care of your parts is worth it. And you know what they say, “Practice makes perfect!”

Waiting for life...

I am a renal patient waiting for a kidney transplant.  At first, I did not let it slow me down.  I worked as an attorney, visited friends and dated.  However, little by little, I lost my grasp of life.  I was getting weaker and more tired.  I could not keep up.  I would get sick all the time.  And then, there were two surgeries: one on April 15, 2009 to remove the kidney transplanted on January of 1993 (yes, I had a transplant for 16 years) and another on November of the same year to remove my native kidneys.  That last surgery was so bad and painful; it took me a year to recuperate from it.   Also, the blood pressure medications make me dizzy and drowsy, so I cannot drive, and sometimes I feel like an airhead, since it takes me a while to form a sentence.  Obviously, I cannot practice law like that, so I feel useless.

I am at home, doing crafts and writing, while my number comes up for a transplant…I lost everything, and if it were not for my parents, I would probably be homeless.  I was so arrogant and independent… I would rub my independence on their faces, which hurt them, but I still did it.  And now I have to eat crow, and come back home, and admit that I need them.  And then, I have to be in excellent shape so I can get the transplant.  No flu, no infections, not even a cavity or a hang nail.  Waiting… and waiting… I was not very patient before this, and now I have no choice but to wait… does that mean I am becoming patient?  If this is a lesson, it is a huge lesson! Sometimes I wonder what was what I did that it was so bad, that I deserve such a punishment. 

Yes, because I fell sick at 13 years old for the first time.  I suffer a lot back then… like getting cables screwed through my skin without any anesthesia, until they got to an artery.   I got that done more than once.  And I got other horrible stuff done… and I thought I had paid my dues.  I thought it worked like that, stupid me.  I thought that all the pain and suffering that I had gone through would work as a protection against more suffering.  But it does not work like that, unfortunately for me and others. 

So now I am waiting for  life again…

Hoarding's scars

Hoarding's scars
My parent’s house is a disgrace. The floor is covered with trash and important papers. Furniture is covered with anything and everything, so they cannot be used for its intended purpose. The first check I got as a lawyer, I went out and bought them a dining room set that matched the sitting room set, both of which matched my mother’s dreams. I bought them a deep freezer, a refrigerator, a washing machine and a dryer. I honestly thought that having pretty things, they would clean and keep things up. However, my mom will not clean to save her life, and my dad had to work until he retired four years ago. We cannot sit in the table to eat together, and there are many times in which we have to push things aside to sit in the loveseat, sofa, and armchair.

I feel the need to clarify that I only mention my mother when I talk about hoarding, because my father is equally traumatized and scarred by my mom’s hoarding. However, for the sake of peace, he tries to say nothing and not confront my mom. I often wonder if this is the best way of action, and get mad that I was left to battle this alone.

I left my parents’ home to study my JD. I stay in it afterwards because I did not want to return to the hoarding, and I got a job away from home to have an excuse. My apartment was the total opposite of my mom's... I would get up every day to sweep and mop, and every weekend I would clean the complete 2-bedroom, 1bathroom. I felt happy breathing the clean air, being able to receive visits in my apartment... and to top it all, when my siblings came to visit to the area, they would stay with me instead of staying with my mom (a 45 minutes travel). They would tease me and call me "Captain Clean" or "the butterfly" (because I was in constant movement)... but I didn't mind because I felt so clean, so organized, and in turn, my brain was more organized and I felt much more efficient.

At first, I'd visit my parents every weekend...but since I was the last to leave, the house got much worse when I left to my apartment. Understanding that she was depressed and feeling the empty nest syndrome (we were 5 kids, plus the friends who "adopted my parents because beside the mess, they were very cool), I would take my weekends to help her clean. However, the next weekend, it would be the same or worse. It would frustrate me, as I felt that my efforts (while I was studying for my JD) were not appreciated. So I decided to stop visiting at all... anyway, when I left after a visit, I would feel down and overwhelmed... and the eternal question, "how can she live like that?," "how doesn't that bother her?" So they started visiting me and started hoarding my apartment and I had to lay down the law... which meant nothing to her. So after she left, I'd spend hours picking things up and had to put aside a space for the stuff she started to leave behind and I felt no right to throw away. After that, it was a constant battle.
Now I fell extremely sick (I need a transplant), and had to stop working. I needed to return to the hoarding, which increases the depression and frustration of losing everything. I try to make plans to clean, but since I can't really help physically in a meaningful way, she ignores everything. And it amazes me how the mess doesn't bother her... she is not like other hoarders who won't let people inside the house. Ooooh, no, she insists on them coming inside to see the last thing she acquired. It also surprises me, since one of my fondest memories from childhood was the spring cleanings: she would move all the furniture aside, and hose the walls down, and clean all the floors meticulously. I do not totally understand what changed. She always complained that my father’s mother rejected her because she was not a good housewife… but my grandma exaggerated with the cleaning, like I used to do; if she had seen the house now, she had died on the spot.

Now that I reminiscence, I recall that it was always a battle that got worse with the time. I remember me sending them to weekend retreats (I would pay for them), so my siblings and I would clean the entire house… however, it would return to “normal” in less than a week because she would take things out and never put them back where they belonged. Actually, she would get mad if she could not find things because we had put them in a different place. She would also get mad, and still does, because we doing the cleaning were “telling her that she was not doing it.” So, in her mind, we were supposed to live happily like we did. The feeling of rejection and disapproval were strong, and fact that you had spent three days cleaning and picking up after other people, received a “half kiss” as a reward, and then see her undoing everything was incredibly frustrating. Furthermore, in my house there is a room that has being designed as a “library,” because the walls are covered by books from the floor to the ceiling, and there are still piles of books on the floor. I have organized that room more times that I can remember, my subject, my author, cleaning each and every book- which covers the room from ceiling to bottom. It never lasts, and I already gave up on it.

My mom is crazy about crafts, and that has a great role in her hoarding. She chooses a hobby (i.e., sewing), so she acquires all she needs to sew (normal machine, machine for terminations, like 4 huge boxes of fabrics, buttons, etc), and when she has everything to start, she moves on to another craft (i.e., Scrapbooking). She has more than $5k in machines, adornments, charms, etc, to do great albums... but now she wants to do jewelry. Funny thing is that I both took a liking to Scrapbooking and jewelry, but she won't join me when I'm working on either... she always has an excuse.

The worst part is that I'm not eligible to a treatment that is suppose to increase my quality of life because the mess and dirt in the house. She knows it, but won't do anything about it. I don't desire this on anyone, trying to find the amazing parent who made your childhood awesome among mountains of stuff and unrealistic plans. I wish luck to all of you who are trying and will continue trying... and I wish that you come out with little bruises and scabs, and the whole process does not end a relationship that should last our whole lives.

There is nothing like...

...getting  under the shower head, cold water delightuly caressing your tired but warm body... taking your sponge and pouring liquid soap... a flowery scent instantly fills your senses, empting your exhausted mind of every frustration, failure, or exasperation... and for a moment, you are in an exquisite garden... and the sponge that scrubs your body up and down turns into light stroking which you do not want to end... delightful caresses, exquisite garden, light stroking... who would like THAT to end? And the best of all, the most important person in your life will be in bed with you: yourself.  Enjoy!

Ode to death

I want to yield in your comforting arms,
Like a baby cuddles in her mother’s bosom,
And find the solace I only remember finding in my father’s arms,
Soothe me like the ocean waters do the scalding sand,
Like the stars relieve the tired sun,
Your promised beauty so amazingly alluring,
It lures my spirit away from hope and love,
Your silent call so seductive and persistent,
Enticing me like a Sirin from the end of the world,
Oh, liberate me with your embrace,
Free me from pain, concerns, shame, and desires,
Oh, to live the peace only you can give!